say you'll love me to death, 'cause i will.

[theohhellos]

I didn't know I was capable of feeling something like this. I had nothing to compare this feeling to, but I knew it had to mean something. It had to mean something when his words made my heart skip a beat, a beat, a beat. It made me feel sick but it was different. I didn't want this sickness to go away. I didn't want him to stop. I hung onto every word the same way I hung onto him. Hungry. Starved for something I thought I wasn't allowed to have. I wanted more, more of him.

Maybe I was becoming greedy. But he had to know he was feeding a monster. Once I had a taste, I couldn't stop. I felt alive. I felt seen. I felt loved.

I needed to know if this was love.

Could it be love?

I wanted it to be love.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

The words are unfamiliar on my tongue. They feel wrong even when I want them to be right. It had to be something. Even though I was scared of it, it had to be. If it was, if it was, if it was... would he love me, too? Could he love me, too? I wanted him to love me, too. I think I would do anything if it meant that he belonged to me. Mine. And mine alone. I wanted to be his. I've never asked for more than what I was given before.

It hurt.
It hurt.
It hurt.

I want to know what he thinks of me. I want to know if he thinks of me as much as I think of him. I want to know if he loves me. It makes me sick, because I know I'll never be able to ask.

But I'll think about it.
I'll dream about it.

The day when you'll love me, too.