you've taken the summer sky with you.

Screaming can be heard behind you. It's faint. Which doesn't really make sense. You're not that far away yet. But the roaring in your ears makes everything sound muted. Your legs moved on their own, and you couldn't stop them. You didn't want to. 

Your vision swims and blurs as your pace picks up, and up, and up until you're sprinting away from the beach, from your friends, from someone you thought loved you.

It's hard to keep your balance, to keep moving steadily, when you're not all there.

( "It's like- um.."
"A weird moment of clarity."
"Like, feeling like maybe you... don't deserve to have it?"
"Does that sound right?" )

You don't remember when you got inside your aunt's house, but you're laying on your side now, on the couch. Curled in on yourself. Staring blankly. Your mind slowly tries to process everything that happened. Your mind betrays you by playing old memories, searching for answers for this. You try to breathe out a sigh, but it gets stuck in your throat, and a sob replaces it. Your body shakes.

( "..It's like- an empty feeling, right?"
"Makes your chest ache." )

It burns your lungs. But you can't stop. You don't think you've ever felt this bad before. You don't like it. A hand clutches at your chest, like you could reach in and tear it out, but it's never that easy. It settles into your bones. Uninvited. Unwelcome.

( "...You deserve to be happy."
"I hope you know that." ) 

It feels like you've been crying for hours. It's turned silent at this point, your body still trembling. Your phone keeps lighting up with missed calls and text messages you can't bring yourself to look at.

You don't want to get up.

You don't want to get up.

You don't want to get up.

You don't want to-

You jolt awake. The room is darker. Colder. And everything is purple.